When I first started meditating I recall struggling with it as I usually felt my body tense up during meditation, having difficulties finding my center of peace.
My name is *********** and I have practiced meditation for some time now. When I first started meditating I recall struggling with it as I usually felt my body tense up during meditation, having difficulties finding my center of peace. After some time I felt myself getting better at my meditations, being able to fell much more relaxed doing meditation, recognizing when my mind would wander and when certain thoughts would cause some tension in my body — and being able to let go of those thought sooner than before — also being able to attain what is called meditative concentration which I would associate with periods of total relaxation and my center of peace. Furthermore, as a positive programer behind bars, I constantly find myself very busy with vocational classes, self help classes, and college courses; this can make me feel a bit overwhelmed at times and create stress in my life. Meditation and mindfulness helps me find a healthy balance within such a packed schedule, relieving some of that stress and serving as a coping mechanism when I find some of life’s difficulties. This has allowed me to deal with difficult situations in a healthy manner rather than reverting back into my old habits and character defects. In addition, meditation has also helped me gain new insights in my life. One clear example happened during our retreat with Venerable De on 10/14/22. During our meditations a memory arose, a memory in which I recall my younger brother being antagonated by another boy when I was much younger. I remember being afraid, as I was very young at the time, and freezing up as I felt helpless and hopeless. Although the situation caused no great harm to my brother, I felt a realization that experiences as such are what fueled my impulsivity, aggressiveness, and violence in situations that I or my loved ones, even remotely felt antagonized. Insights as such ultimately help me better understand myself and help me on my journey towards personal growth. This is what mediation has done for me.
This letter is presented unedited and in its entirety. Names have been redacted for privacy.